Feeling Manic on Monday

There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why.
- William Barclay

On the eve of my birthday, I'm feeling a little bit introspective. As I've gone on and on about... most likely nauseatingly to the readers ( I really do love you three!), life is feeling upside down lately, the earth is spinning the opposite direction on it's axis, I'm panicked to the point where I'm choking back bile and concentrating on breathing deeply and trying to hide or steady my shaky hands. I'm worried about everything from minor nothings to major somethings. I'm sick of my own complaining, even when it is only in my own head. Seriously. The wonderful news. Today was a great day.

I flew home this morning from Chicago, my flight was on time and arrived in KC early! My best dog friend was happy to see me when I picked her up at the pet resort and greeted me with a smile and a waggy tail. When I arrived at my house, my son was up and in the shower getting ready to spend the afternoon with me. I didn't even have to call and ask him to wake up!

Seems like a mundane thing, really, I spent the afternoon with my son, just shopping for clothes for him and getting some gear for his dorm room and laughing and joking and sharing stories. The kind of day that is rare and perfect for me. Simple and what being a mom to me is about. Just being there. And at some point today it dawned on me why I've never been able to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I have been what I want to be all along. A mom to my wonderful kid. So, what a gift!

Now please don't be thinking that I haven't always been thankful for my fabulous son. Quite the opposite. But in my younger years, like my twenties and thirties, ambition played a big role in my life. I see now, how things may have been unbalanced. I'm telling you, I am slow to see the big picture sometimes. Like, DUH slow. Really. I. Can't. Dwell. On that.

I love my son so much, I'm just feeling misty eyed because he is moving away to college this week, and I'm feeling incompetent and see paragraph number 1 and we can just go round and round in circles here. No, let's not. We'll just stop there and I'll go away feeling like I have the best gift ever, my great kid.