She looks so sweet, but she is dangerous. Like me. I'm handing out bitch slaps this week. Careful.
I always feel a bit shy after an absence from the blog. Feeling a little bit like I used to back in school when I would have to take days off to recover from a bout of the flu and the first day back at school was a watered down version of the first day of school. I would stew and fret over what might have changed since I was there last, or in the case of the seventh and eighth grade P.E. class would those two girls who gained so much joy in bullying me because I was not athletic and always picked last for teams be just a little meaner when I came back? They had no idea at the time that I didn't give a shit about being good in volleyball or basketball, and lived for the day when I could concentrate on something besides avoiding their ignorance. Of course, I also didn't know how to express those things properly at the ages of 12 or 13. At that time, I feel sure most kids saw me as a quiet kid, small for my age... awkward and shy. What came across as awkwardness and shyness was, in fact, panic and anxiety. I've dealt with it all my life. I hope my being away for a while hasn't sparked any locker room gossip. The family business of sticking together has caused me to extend my stay here in Alabama until I feel comfortable leaving Daddy.
This past week, while in Alabama with my daddy and Momma, I started out feeling strong. Bitch Slapping Strong. I was ready to take on cancer single handed, on behalf of my dad, and when I was finished with that I was going to take on God himself for bringing this plague on my family. MY family, who has been through so much together how dare he use us as punching bags and hurt the one person in the family who deserves it the least? Sound selfish? You bet your sweet ass. Sorry. I know I'm supposed to be saying the correct things about how God will watch over us, but today my dad went by ambulance to the hospital with his liver shutting down, and all hell is breaking loose and I've seen no sign of God in all his healing glory all week long. Before you begin to wonder, yes dammit. I HAVE been praying. Sincerely. Yes I'm a believer. I think. I thought. I had no reason to doubt until now.
Back to the panic. Regulars who know me know I am panicking at this point. I did very well up until the emotional roller coaster finally crashed the other day. Tonight I've got the butterflies, and tomorrow is another day back in seventh grade. I'm working up the courage to reach inside myself and show myself and everyone else that I am a force to be reckoned with. At least in my own mind...
In a roundabout way, that is where I've been and how I've been and why I've been the way I am. Note... at the expense of others misery, my sisters and I decided today that people watching in the emergency room can be great entertainment. Sorry. I've said before that I'm not always sweet. One lady "passed out" at the triage desk, only to have the nurse check her wrist and the lady lifted her arm. Triage nurse said, "She didn't pass out, she just lifted her arm." To which patient replied, "Nuh-uh. I'm passed out." My sister and I really needed that comic relief at that moment and had to turn our heads we were laughing so hard. A little while later I spied evidence of inbreeding or could it have been a Yeti? Apparently the expression on my face was very easy to read, so my oldest sister punched my shoulder to remind me to be polite,(because I'm ten?????) I didn't realize I was being rude. Sorry lady, mythical creature. Really. And Sister? That was my shoulder with the shitty rotator cuff... so you got me. You got me good. Or was that God? I'm going back to my nice place now.
If I have offended anyone... for pity's sake please don't comment.
Posts
4 comments:
We're thinking about you all during this difficult time.
Glad to hear that damn Yeti is still stalking Alabama's emergency rooms. My best advice is not to feed it from the vending machines.
Sound the bugle... the cavalry is here. After spending 12 hours on the road, I finally arrived in Alabama and I'm ready to kick some serious ass. I've had enough of this cancer shit... first cancer gets the best of my dad, then it gets the best of my aunt, then it gets the best of my mom. Then, cancer tries to get the best of my sister, but she beats it's ass.
Now it's got ahold of Dub, who's like a father to me, and that's the last straw. It's time to do what I can to help find a cure for this absolutely horrible disease, and I encourage everyone else to do what they can too.
Excuse my lanaguage, but I only have one thing to say to cancer, and that's.... fuck off and die bitch.
I didn't know the troubles you've had. Awww Mel! You are such a strong person. No one could handle so much an evil emotional roller coaster. But somehow you have.
I don't presume to know how you feel. But I want to lend an ear, as a friend. I'm here.
Mel, if I were cancer in your town I'd RUN!!!
Wish I could give you a big old hug, but this will have to do (((HUG))).
Take it one day at a time. Remember we all learn something from what we are given to deal with. We may not know at the time what it is, but I truely believe that everything is a lesson to help others.
We are always here for you, please remember that, you aren't alone. EVER!!
Post a Comment