You Can Call Me Fred, But I Wish You Wouldn't!

Okay, so never in a million lifetimes would I have thought my frequent use of the phrase "shit the bed Fred" would come back to bitch slap me right in the most undignified way. As most of you know, all three of you who read and whom I appreciate and adore, I have a most unpleasant disease in the family of inflammatory bowel diseases. (That would explain why I put a badge down on the right side of my blog to bring attention to these illnesses and how regular folks can do things to bring awareness and raise money for research for treatments and cures.) Anyway, since I am not here to blog about my illness because I am not about my illness and it does not define who I am, or at least I try to make that my goal, something has been happening recently that has never happened during the years I have been dealing with this illness, which is Colitis.

I pooped the bed. Go ahead and giggle, snicker, laugh. Seriously, because it is kinda funny! I mean I laughed, after I got over the shock the first time. And Hero? Thank God he is out of town, because that saves just a tiny bit of my dignity, but really? You know what? You can lose your dignity when you are all alone. That's why I'm putting this out here. I pooped the bed. It was not my fault, I didn't do anything to make it happen, there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, and I had no idea that could ever happen to me. Then you know what happened next? I pooped the bed again. Two nights later. What the hell. At that point, I didn't have any dignity left at all. And yes, I was so broken up about it I called the Hero at nearly 2:00 a.m. because I needed to share just how low things had gotten. Poor guy, what the heck is he supposed to do or say? True to form, he said soothing things, acted concerned and worried and was probably thankful for being many miles away from home. Hell, I don't blame him one bit!

Today, Hero decided that he can call me Fred. Since I shit the bed. I guess you can too, but I wish you wouldn't. But you can laugh... because really when a person has a bowel disease, while it is a serious thing, it is all about the potty and when we were young and immature didn't we all enjoy a little potty humor?

P.S. Hero? May I buy 2 new pairs of jammie pants? Suddenly, my pajama drawer is light on inventory. K. Thanks!